Rest Peacefully Kay

Life time - Kay

Over this life time, I have recognised patterns that have been derived from my unconscious.

Once conscious awareness kicks in, the state of which I operated from, a curious one. Curiosity continues to contribute to my lived experiences, a depth of inner knowing coming through from encountering significant events, either solely or with others.

Today I wake early, “Meep” the kitty likes to jump on me when she has ran out of dry biscuits, or she’s been left home during the day. I read some news from a dear brother, his mother passed over into the peaceful realm of death.   

This woman, I was in awe of. Over 24 years ago, I was in a short term relationship with her son. I remember her as being a doting mother that would give her offspring a serious ear bashing when they required one. Often, in a less than endearing expression, she certainly made sure she articulated her experiences.

As a lost 16 year old girl, I appreciated the way that she loved me despite not being her biological child. She was a real fan of powdered milk, smoking weed and baccy.

It wasn’t long after my parents had separated that I had met Kay. I met her through her son, whom I met at college. I met him at a time when my mother had holidayed in America for 6 weeks, my 16th birthday. Partying the high life with some college connections, at a swingers destination in the Eastern Suburbs of Hobart.

Kay’s place was respite. I remember walking in one day to her house and her other son was there. He was about 2 years older than me, had a young child with one woman, and was in a relationship with another. I had never been surrounded by such differing family dynamics.

My nervous system was shot to pieces. Resting at her home with her family was strange, but comforting. She provided food, despite her scarcity of money, she would find a meal to provide for people in her home.

She was what society called a “Greenie”. She was an activist. She fought hard for her life’s passions.

Life went on by, as it does. Significant events after significant events.

One of her older sons “friend requested” me on Facebook in 2023. I’d arrived back to Hobart after flying up to the Sunshine Coast to collect my van that I had been living in around QLD in 2022. His eyes very familiar, his name not linked to anything that I would know. We chatted. It became very obvious to me that we had crossed paths before over my lifetime, and then the penny dropped.

We shared many conversations over the following months, he shared Kay’s phone number with me, and with a pleasant surprise, we were able to share a moment on the phone.

She said something very profound. She wanted to talk about herself. The space for this was being held for her.

“Tegan, all I want is for my boys to give a damn about the kind of life I’ve lived… None of them really ask about what my life was like. They’re all selfish bastards”. She said.

With profound sadness, I took this as a personal life lesson to acknowledge the true legacy we can leave in someones life.

Child Rearing 5+ young people over my lifetime, from the age of 17, I am called into awareness of the mothering wounds. Asking what a mother’s experience is like is so unique to each individual.

Teenage Mothering, Mothering with a man 12 years my senior. Single Mothering. Brady Bunch Mothering. Mothering myself. Mothering my Mother, Mothering my father and… Mothering many men who  reluctantly stay out of stepping up in their back bones to re-Mother or father themselves.

Kay shared a prime bit of information right there. She expressed that her dying wish was for her story to live on through the generations of her blood line, and I am here being called to forge the light on Motherhood. From one Mother to another, she was exceptional. Adored.

I Honour Kay Macfarlane and her family. 24 years later and I am still profoundly impacted by this family.

This man, one of Kay's sons.

He is an incredible brother whom I adore. Thank you for our beautiful moments. ❤️